Like I told y'all last week, I'm sort of in the middle of a bunch of different book projects. The one I'm obsessed with writing right now is a contemp romance about two teens—Dan and Willa—who have met up once a month during their planned layovers in an airport for the past three years. Now they're in the summer before senior year and suddenly find themselves with feelings for each other. So they have to figure out what to do (or not to do) about a long distance relationship, all while on the precipice of starting their senior year of high school and planning for college and so on and so forth. (I know, it's a bit involved, but I think [read: hope] it works.)
Anyway, Dan is, um, quite sexually active and I'm writing a chapter from his perspective (writing a sex scene as a guy? HARD. No pun intended. Ok, maybe a little intended.) . . . and I'm kind of happy with it. I think it's rather tame and JUST FINE as is. [Well, this is still a pretty rough draft, so obvs there will be some editing/re-writing. But in theory, it's just fine.]
But then again, it's my writing. So, OF COURSE I think it's fine.
I sent it to my mom (who is my first reader on basically everything) and she straight up hates the scene for her own reasons. But she is not an obsessive YA reader. So! I'm going to share the scene with y'all, and then you can take a happy little poll and tell me whether it's too much, too weird, not enough, or if I should just delete and re-write.
Here's the scene:
Sophie’s eyes lit up then and then she, quite literally, jumped on me. We immediately started moving back toward the pillows, making out and shedding clothes as we went. What I like about hooking up with Sophie is that it just feels comfortable. Even the first time, there was a measure of comfort in how awkward we both were. But now that we’d had more time to really become accustomed to each other’s bodies, things were much more smooth. There was no stopping to nervously ask the other person if they were ok or if we should stop. Now that we knew what we were doing, things had become, well, more exciting.
Just as I was reaching into the drawer of my nightstand I heard “Paper Planes.” [NOTE: It's previously established that this is Willa's ringtone.] I knew I shouldn’t answer the phone, but I really wanted to. I hesitated long enough that Sophie said, “Everything ok?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” I said, grabbing a condom and then rolling back toward her on my bed. We started making out again, ignoring the fact that I was fumbling with the wrapper. When I finally got the damn thing open, “Paper Planes” emanated from my phone again.
I couldn’t help but grin—Willa was unknowingly cock-blocking me. At least, I hoped it was unknowingly. She couldn’t know I was about to have sex, right? It’s not like she's some sort of X-Man whose superpower is sensing lust. I mean, the only way that would come in handy is if Sophie were a succubus. But I think if she were, I’d know that by now.
©Bethany Larson, 2011
And here's the poll!
I voted to spice it up :-) but then again I'm always a fan of the more spicy scenes. I'm not sure what happens right before this scene, but maybe try describing what Dan sees when he rips Sophie's clothes off? Not that I want a visual of a naked girl or anything lol.. but you could word it in a way that puts the reader there, in the moment.
ReplyDeleteBtw - LOVE the premises for this story! Holy crap I want MORE.
I'm with Ginger!! More spice, please! Now I kind of wish this was a book already because I love the premise. I will patiently wait though. :D
ReplyDeleteI voted for spice it up, but it's REALLY good! You should have put that option the pool! :)
ReplyDelete